Memories, CHAPTER 1-5

Memories

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictionally. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or to actual events or locales is entirely coincidental.

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Copyright © 2017 Nicole Shephard. All rights reserved. Including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof, in any form. No part of this text may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the author.

Version 2017.11.016

The Truth Shall Set You Free

September 23, 2016

“Stay with me, Tay, c’mon son! Don't do me like this!” I pleaded with one hand pressed against his chest and the other holding his hand as he took in slow unstable breaths.

“Pock-P-Pock,” He tried to speak but began to choke on his own blood.

“Shhhh, I hear them coming. Just relax, baby boy. Everything is going to be fine.” I cried as he began to cough up blood. “I see them, Tay! They're at the corner, Tay! Tay! Wakeup, Taylor! Nah, this can't be! C’mon, man! Please wake up, Tay!”

“Get them out of the vehicle!” A voice commanded as I cried over his body.

“He's dead!” I uttered as a set of hands pulled me from the bullet-ridden SUV. “Get the fuck off of me, pussy!” I began to fight off the medic. My main priority was the lifeless body sprawled out in the passenger seat.

“You are bleeding; we need to get you to a hospital now!”

“I don’t care about none of that bullshit, get the fuck off of me, bitch!” I roared breaking free from the tight hold on me.

As I tried to get back to the SUV, I began to feel a searing pain in my hip. The adrenaline rush was finally beginning to fade, causing me to collapse into the arms of the medic as I lay there no more than fifteen-feet away watching the love of my life slowly fade away.

Everything from that point on was a blur of motion and inaudible sounds. When I finally came to, I was lying in a hospital bed my right hand cuffed to the guard rails with a big lumberjack looking man in a suit eyeing me with a cheery grin.

“I've been waiting on you to awaken from your slumber, sleeping beauty,” He let out a healthy chuckle then proceeded to take a chair. “My name is Detective Jonathan Pulaski; I have a few questions I need to ask you.”

“I don't care who you are, just tell me Taylor pulled through.” My eyes began to sting as tears cascaded down the sides of my face.

“I am sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, but Mr. Bennet did not make it.” Pulaski handed me the grave news on a silver platter. The fact that he seemed delighted with himself enraged me as he began to bombard me with question after question. Relentlessly, he gave it to me raw and uncut with no remorse.

“STOP! JUST STOP!” I wept.

1

As the reverend spoke to the congregation, I was parked in my wheelchair at the back of the church. Dressed in all black with my fitted cap ducked low over my eyes, I tried not to let the tears of pain and regret escape the empty shell in which I called my body.

“Nay,” My sister whispered as she planted a soft but firm hand on my shoulder.

“I don’t want to hear it at all, just get me out of here.” I whispered back to her as the service concluded.

People began to exit the church while others gathered around in groups to gossip and spread lies about what really happened the night Taylor was brutally taken away from his family and friends. Truth is, most of these self-centered narcissistic assholes only came around to show face and get the scoop on things.

Jalinda carefully maneuvered me out of the handicap section and slowly paraded through the throngs of people as they looked down on me with looks ranging from pity to disgust. Greeting them with fake smiles and head nods, I prayed Jal made her feet work a tad bit faster but even the best wishes don’t come true. As the two of us made our exit, an overly annoying high-pitched voice called out to me.

“Naymond, Naymond!” She called after me.

“Jal keep walking,” I said while looking Taylor’s Aunt Gail in the eye.

“Wait up, please just wait, Naymond. I need to give you something, it’s from Taylor and I think you should see it.” She shouted, and everyone focused in on me like I was public enemy number one.

“Give it to me and get out my face!” I shouted.

Those words left me with a sour taste in my mouth, I did not mean to come off so brash. After apologizing for being a dickhead, she placed an open envelope in my hand with specific directions to read it when I was alone. We exchanged goodbyes then Jal and I made our way to her van.

“Jal, can you take me to my place? I need to be alone right now,” I asked, still unsure of my choice to go back to the last place I had seen Taylor alive.

“You sure, Naymond? Is it really wise to go back this soon?”

“I will be fine; I just need a few days to myself. No big deal, baby girl,” I smiled as she helped me into the car while lecturing me on the subject of death and grieving, a situation that was all too familiar her.

***

After a quick trip to pick up my walker and pain medications from Jal’s house, she got me set up at my place then returned home to her children. As I sat on the porch of my two bedroom house, my eyes were fixated on the spot where Tay and I were parked exactly two weeks ago. After all this time, I could still see tiny fragments of glass glimmering in the sun as a car pulled into the space and out stepped an older woman and her two children. I politely smiled as she waved her kids towards her house and hastily stepped towards me.

“Naymond?” She asked with her head cocked sideways.

Nodding my head at her, she continued to smile at me.

“Did you need something, ma’am?” I asked.

“Oh, sorry, how rude of me. My name is Cassandra Jordan, your next door neighbor.” She babbled.

“Your point is?” I hissed.

“I don’t mean to bother you, there were a few packages left on your doorstep and since I haven’t seen you or your partner in a few days, I kept them in the garage.” She explained, all while looking at my walker. “I can bring them over in a few minutes if that’s okay with you.”

“I appreciate it, Mrs. Jordan, do you mind helping me inside?” I asked, still hesitant to cross the threshold.

A little more than hesitant herself, she slowly picked up my bag of medication and gave me a helping hand. I was still in no shape to be doing anything on my own, but I couldn’t stand to be in that hospital, even if recovery was what was best for me. I placed both hands on the rails of the walker as she opened my apartment door and out came the putrid smell of spoiled food.

“Excuse the mess, it’s been a while.” I said embarrassed at the state of my home.

“It is alright with me, I have seen ten times worse working at the hospital. Let’s get these windows open and the air circulating then we should be just fine.”

She began to take charge, even though I explained to her it was not her job to take care of me. She objected and let it be known that as a mother she was used to it. Without saying anything else, I took a seat on the couch and pulled out the letter Taylor’s aunt had given me earlier this afternoon. Part of me was saying don’t open it and the other part of me was saying go for it. The part that was telling me no got the best of me as I set the letter down on the coffee table.

“How long have you and your boyfriend been together?” Mrs. Jordan asked, catching me completely off my square.

“I am not with that gay shit,”

“I didn’t mean to offend you, Naymond, it’s just that I have been living next door from you for about three years now and I have never seen you with a woman.”

“Well, I never seen you with a man, do you like pussy or something?” I flipped the script.

She laughed and made her way into the kitchen area. There was a mirror on my wall facing the kitchen, so I could see her cheeks turning red as she giggled.

“Are going to laugh or answer me?” I asked as she cut the sink on.

“Where do you keep your garbage bags?” She avoided my question again.

“Under the sink, but don’t try to overlook the question, Mrs. Jordan,” I pushed.

She bent over and reached under the sink still laughing about the question at hand. Just as she popped up from underneath the sink, there was a knock on the door. I tried to get up but failed miserably and asked Mrs. Jordan to answer it for me.

She opened the door and in came her sister, or so I had thought all these years. They pecked lips and quickly embraced each other before Mrs. Jordan introduced her partner, Lucille. I watched on as they had a small conversation then Lucille made her way home.

“So, you do like pussy,” I laughed watching her blush.

“Ain’t nothing wrong with it,” She made her way back into the kitchen and began to clean up the mess Taylor and I had made.

As I watched her in the mirror, I couldn't help but notice how happy she had suddenly became when Lucille popped in. Her smile was brighter and her skin was glowing, the same way I looked when Taylor was around.

“Can I ask you a question, Mrs. Jordan?” I adjusted myself on the couch as she washed the dishes.

“Call me Cassandra, and of course, but under one condition, Naymond.” She shut off the water and made her way back into the living room.

“Shoot it,” I said.

“For every question you ask, you have to answer one in return.”

“Bet, but first can you give me a few minutes to myself, I have something I need to do. It shouldn’t take that long. Why don’t you get those packages for me?”

“No problem, sweetie, I am going to pop in on the kids then come back and finish the kitchen.” She said as she headed for the door.

I pulled myself up out of the chair and bent forward to grab the letter from Taylor. Taking a deep breath, I peeled the seal off the envelope and removed the letter. My eyes scanned the front then the back, not really wanting to read but that changed when I read the words I love you. I flipped the letter back to the front and began to read it from the beginning.

Much of the letter was Taylor reminiscing on all of the time we had spent together during his life time but the last few lines had me a little shaken up.

Enough is enough and I can’t stand to live in fear anymore, Naymond. The shit I got into isn’t going to just go away and I need to handle it on my own. It’s a lot you don’t know about me, which is strange because we been A1 since day one but it’s just too much to get into. I know you’re probably mad at me because the stunt I pulled tonight but I had to get it off my chest before I skipped town. I hope you feel the same way as me, Nay, and if you don’t, I get it and I understand. I truly do. Until I see you again, I love you, Nay. I always have, I always will, and I wanted you to know being in love with you doesn’t make you or me any less of a man.

After reading the letter once more, I began to cry as flashes of the night Taylor was murdered came rushing back.

The car was in park as we sat reclined in the seats smoking a blunt. Taylor seemed a little upset about something and I could tell he was trying to keep it to himself by the way he played with the zipper on his jacket. I took a hit of the blunt and passed it back to him. He declined to hit so I took another hit and put it out in the cup holder.

“What’s good, Tay, you acting kind of funny, my nigga?” I turned the volume on the radio down a few notches then positioned myself to where I could look him in the eyes.

Taylor was as handsome as they came. He was average size and build but had waves that would make any bitch sea sick. His skin was the color of a Werther’s Caramel Candy. He was inked up like a city mural, could have any woman he wanted, and I hated him for it. Not to mention he was pretty decent in basketball.

“You ever been in love with someone you couldn’t have?” Taylor asked, sitting up in his seat and looking at me with glazed eyes.

I sat up and turned toward the window trying to hide the anger that was rising up in my chest

“If this is about funky ass, Sondra, just leave it alone, bro, that ho ain’t no good for nothing. I don’t even know why you keep chasing after her raggedy ass, bro.” I turned back towards him. “You can do better than th—” Taylor cut me off with a kiss.

His lips pressed against my lips and when I didn’t pull back, he went a little further.

“I… Love… You… Nay,” Taylor said in between kisses.

Gently parting from the kiss, I started to confess my love for him and that is when a hail of bullets rained down upon the car like a sudden storm in the middle of the ocean.

“GET DOWN!” I roared while trying to shield him.

2

Cassandra returned with her son, Mekhi, and daughter, Majoree. They were carrying three large boxes that were addressed to me. The kids put boxes down and excused themselves to head out and play while their mother stayed with me.

“Are you a big online shopper?” She asked setting the boxes on my coffee table.

“Not really, I don’t know where these came from. Hand me those scissors over there.”

Once the scissors were in my hand, I began to open the first box. As I spread the flaps, I began to laugh at all of the photos that were piled on top of each other. There were hundreds of them and I knew exactly where they came from. Taylor and Jal had been really heavy into photography when we were younger.

I picked up one of the photos of the old gang and couldn’t help but to smile. I hadn’t seen it in years and the amount of nostalgia was overwhelming.

“I think it’s time for a question,” Cassandra spoke, breaking me out of the trance the photo had me in.

“Ask away,” I said, taking a handful of photos out of the box.

“At what age did you know you didn’t like girls?”

A smooth laugh escaped my lips as I sat the photos back into the box.

“I don’t have a preference; it’s so much more than that for me.”

A puzzled look formed on her face.

“So, you’re Bi-sexual?”

Picking the photos back up, I flipped through them to see if I could find the photo with Jal, Tay, a couple more people, and myself.

“Here it is, look at this.” I passed it to her as I began to tell her about the first time I fell in love.

We were about thirteen years old in that photo. We used to go to church every Saturday and Sunday on the church bus with these white people who thought it was cool to come to the hood and take a group of niggas to the city and parade them around for donations. At the time, we didn’t realize a piece of pizza wasn’t worth the embarrassment. Every year, the church people would have this huge summer camp out in the mountains and we could never go because of our age but this year, we were finally thirteen and excited as hell to go.

We were all packed up. It was Taylor, Jalinda, Bryce, Jon-Jon, and me waiting on the step of Jon-Jon’s mama’s project unit, flicking it up on the Polaroid camera that Jal and Tay shared as the church people rolled up in a big sky-blue bus. When one of the church leaders stepped off the bus, we asked him to take one more picture of us before we left.

When we got there, they divided us into groups, so we could get to know other people from outside of our hood. Tay and Bryce went into their own groups alone and me and Jon-Jon got stuck with a few rich kids from Calabasas and all those other fancy places. It was kind of upsetting, but we were some little dusty project kids doing something we never done before, so I sucked it up and made the best of it.

On the first night, we were with our group and got to know each other a little. There were four other boys besides Jon-Jon and me. I didn't remember their names except for one and his name was Kyle Sternberg. He had bright blue-green eyes with sandy brown hair and a tan you could only get from being at the beach all summer long. Kyle wore these little shells around his neck and spoke like one of the kids on that old school cartoon, Rocket Power. He was kind of a nerd but I could tell his California costal cool cat act was something he did so he wouldn’t get made fun of.

The next day, I woke up earlier than everyone in the group, so I decided to get an outfit ready for the day. As I was fishing through my bag, Kyle rolled over on his cot and asked me what it was like. Baffled by the question, I asked him what the hell was he talking about and he explained what he meant. Kyle wanted to know what it was like to have real friends; people that genuinely cared about you, not for who you knew or what zip code you reside in. Even though I was only thirteen at the time, I knew exactly where he was coming from. We chatted for a while until the other guys woke up.

By the end of the week, Kyle, Jon-Jon, and I had gotten really close, so close that when his family arrived to pick him up, they invited the two of us come visit their house in the hills.

For the next four weekends, Jon-Jon and I had the time of our lives until the fifth week. It was the week right before we started eighth grade and Mr. and Mrs. Sternberg went on a mission trip to Haiti, so we were left all alone with the nanny and a few of the house staff.

We stayed up pretty late just discussing the next year to come and by two thirty in the morning, Jon-Jon was asleep, so we headed into the living room to watch television. As some point, we fell asleep and when I opened my eyes, I was lying with my head in Kyle’s lap and he was stroking my head.

It didn’t feel awkward or unnatural in any way, so I didn’t stop him. Looking into his eyes, I felt warm and tingly like never before as he leaned forward and pushed his lips to my lips.

The next morning when we got home, Jon-Jon was acting funny and eventually, stopped coming around me. I had a feeling he knew what happened between Kyle and I so I decided I was never going to speak of Kyle and the summer we had spent together.

“As much as it hurt me to push Kyle away back then, I knew it was for the better, you know what I mean, Cassandra?” I asked, still holding the photo in my hand.

“Did you ever see him again?”

I tossed the photo onto the coffee table and sighed thinking about all the drama Kyle caused for me back in the day. Shit, he would still cause me trouble every now and then.

“We dated for a few months during his high school years, but I wasn’t ready for all the extra shit that came with it. He wanted to be all out and open, but I couldn’t do that. Not because I was down low or anything like that, but I wasn’t ready. Shit, I’m still not ready.”

“Did your boyfriend know about Kyle?”

“Taylor was my best friend, nothing more,” I said and started to cry.

“For goodness sake, the man sent you a break up box; you can’t tell me the two of you ain’t fuck at least one time. Miss me with that in the closet bullshit. You two flaunted each other more than me and my wife. His personal space was yours and the same vice versa.” She said, with so much confidence like she knew what the hell she was talking about.

“How the fuck would you know what love is? It’s been three years since you moved next door and I have never seen you embrace that woman you called your wife; so why don’t you spare me the bullshit.”

She looked upset and I apologized then asked another question.

“You know why I’ve been gone for two weeks?” I asked.

“No clue at all, Lucille and I took the kids on a weekend trip. When we got back there was…” She trailed off.

She tried to apologize for being rude, but it didn’t matter because I had already moved past her fucked up comments. For a moment, we sat in silence until she decided to finish the kitchen. Afterward, she helped me up into my room and got me changed and fed for the night. She insisted that it was her duty as a nurse to help me, but I knew better.

3

Walking into my house, I felt like a complete bitch the way I spoke to that young man. He couldn't have been more than twenty-five or twenty-six years old. About three weeks ago, Lucille surprised the kids and I with a four day vacation to Disneyland​. When we arrived home, the days following the neighborhood seemed a bit off. There were no kids out on the street and all of the guys who usually hung around at the corner store were nowhere to be found.

Later that week, when I got home from work, I noticed the neighbor’s mail on his porch again for the third time that week and decided to slide the envelopes under the door and take the packages into my house for safe keeping. As I was leaving his porch, I spotted one of the local fiends who let me know it wasn’t safe to be out because someone had killed somebody just a few days earlier.

“MAAAAAAAA!” Mekhi shrieked at the top of his lungs.

“It’s your turn, Cass,” Lucille smiled as she lay snuggled up on the couch drinking a beer.

Rolling my eyes, I removed my coat and took a seat next to her, not ready to be a mother at the moment. Nestling up next to her, I let out a sigh still thinking about Naymond. We had been neighbors for three long years and yet, we knew nothing about each other.

“What was in the boxes?” Lucy asked as she embraced me.

“He only opened one and it was a box full of photos from the other cute one…” I let my words fade away as I thought about the way the two of them often looked at each other.

Every morning on the way out the door, I would cross paths with Naymond and Taylor as I headed for my car and they were stepping out of Naymond’s car. They would always be high out of their minds, laughing with takeout in their hands as they tried to make it to the door without spilling everything. We would exchange nods as I wished for a carefree vibe with Lucy.

“We’re good, right?” I asked.

Lucy ignored my question and continued to watch The First 48 and sip her beer. Feeling unwanted and ignored, I made my way into the kitchen and pulled a pack of thawed chicken and potatoes out of the refrigerator. As I began to cook, I kept hearing Naymond’s voice over and over in my head. “It’s been three years since you moved next door and I have never seen you embrace that woman you called your wife.” I continued to peel the potatoes with tears in my eyes as I thought about it.

Drying my eyes, I put everything back into the refrigerator and headed into the kid’s room to see what they were up to. When I got into the room, Majoree was on the computer video chatting with a few friends and Mekhi was lying in bed holding his stomach with his eyes closed. Majoree muted her microphone and smiled at me with all thirty-two teeth showing and began to blush.

“What did you do?” I asked her while looking at little brother.

“Nothing, Ma, I promise, but what’s up with the sexy next-door neighbor? Did you see those brown eyes and those tattoos on his hands?”

“That man is too old for you and keep on talking like that, I am going to kick your ass. Did you forget you were only sixteen? Now what the hell is wrong with your brother?” I asked, looking at him sleep.

“He said his stomach hurts and he was warm. Last night he said he thought he was coming down with something but that’s about it. We told Lucy and all she said was drink some water and lay down. We called you to come up here, but you didn’t come so he just went to sleep.”

Taking a seat on Mekhi’s bed, I felt his head. My baby was drenched in sweat and running a fever. I tried to wake him up, but he wasn’t responding at all.

“Majoree, go tell that bitch to call an ambulance and get me the bag of ice out of the freezer!” I yelled, still trying to wake my son up. I felt for a pulse and it was weak.

“Majoree, hurry the fuck up!” I yelled, trying to get my baby out of his school uniform.

Majoree came back into the room with Lucy carrying a bag of ice while on the phone with the paramedics. As I got his shirt off, I noticed a bulge in his upper left abdomen. It was black and blue and tender to the touch.

“Give me the fucking ice and wait outside for the medics!” I yelled at my daughter as she passed me the ice. I wrapped the bag of ice in his shirt and pressed it against his head while crying.

“It’s going to be alright, babe,” Lucy said, still standing in the doorway.

“Why didn’t you tell me he was sick?” I questioned her.

“Let’s not do this right now,” She said with a little too much attitude in her voice for me.

“Yeah, let’s not do this, Lucy. Let’s not talk about our fucked up relationship or you hating my fucking kids! Let’s not do anything at all. Get your shit and leave my fucking house!” I cried with my baby in my arms.

“These are my kids too, Cass, I've been here since day one! I'm not going anywhere!” She yelled at me.

“GET OUT!” I shrieked.

“You’re acting crazy, let’s make sure Mekhi is good before we do this.”

“Leave! Get the fuck out of my house, bitch!” I tossed a pillow in her direction. “And if I find out you did anything to my son, I’m going to fuck you up!” A scream left my lips as she walked away.

***

When we arrived at Children’s Hospital LA, they took my son into emergency surgery and the police began to question Lucy and myself about the injury’s my son had been subjected to. After about three hours of questioning, we were finally able to check up on my son.

“Mekhi, baby,” I whispered coming into the room.

“I’m sorry, ma,” His voice was husky and his lips were dry.

“It’s alright, baby,” I took a seat in the recliner next to his bed.

Mekhi began to cry as he told me about the shit they had gotten into the past few weeks while Lucy and I had been at work. Apparently, my two idiot children and their friends hadn’t been to school in an entire week.

Majoree’s boyfriend had been picking them up every morning behind the school and taking them to the beach. Today, they got into an accident and failed to tell me.

“Are you mad?” His lip quivered.

“What the fuck do you mean am I mad, Mekhi? You are fifteen fucking years old! What the fuck do you think you were doing? Look at you now laid up in the hospital with a ruptured spleen all because of you and that fucking idiot sister of yours. Do you know Lucy and I are fighting because of the two of you! I can’t even look at your nappy headed ass right now! Ugh!”

“But, Ma,” He pleaded for me to stay as I grabbed my bag and headed straight for stairs. I was in such a hurry to get to Majoree, I almost broke my ankle when I missed the last step. After composing myself, I exited the stairwell and entered the emergency room lobby where Lucy sat cuddling Majoree in her arms.

“We need to talk! Outside! Now!” I snatched my daughter by the wrist and drug her out to the parking lot with Lucy hot on my heels telling me to calm down.

“Cassandra, stop you’re going to hurt her!” Lucy grabbed me by my waist and pulled me into a bear hug. “Cassandra, I fucking said stop! Leave her alone!” Lucy yelled as she squeezed me.

“Don't tell me to fucking stop, you bitch! These are my fucking children; they came out of me!” My words were like a loaded gun aimed straight for her heart.

“How dare you pull this shit, Cass, I've been by your side since day one! I raised these kids since birth, been to every doctor's appointment, school event, and wherever the fuck else I needed to be. These are my fucking kids, too. Now I said leave her alone!” Lucy grabbed Majoree and headed back into the emergency room.

“I hate you, I hate you all!” I cried.

4

Forgetting the wound on my left side above my hip, I foolishly rolled over in agony. The pain was unbearable, which caused me to immediately roll back on my right side and reach for my cell phone. Scrolling through my contact list, I clicked Jalinda’s photo and hit speaker as I tried to think about something other than the pain.

“Hey, it’s Jal, leave a message at the tone…” Her voice recording played.

“It’s Nay, you said you would come help me in the morning. It’s twelve and I was just wondering when you were coming over. It’s cool if you don’t want to come… I understand things haven’t been the same for us since everything that went down with Jon-Jon, but I appreciate you being here for me when I needed you. It takes a strong person to do what you’re doing for me and I love you for it.” I ended the call then struggled to get myself out of bed.

As my feet made contact with the surface of the floor, I collapsed with a heavy thud.

“Fuck!” I shouted.

Jalinda came rushing into the room with her three kids right behind her. My two nephews helped me up into the bed while she stood there shaking her head in a disapproving manner.

“Why didn’t you answer your phone?” I questioned as James and Jamal got me situated.

“I didn’t have to come here to help you,” She responded as my niece shuffled her tiny frame over to me.

"Fair enough," I said, ending the discussion as my nephews watched their mother closely waiting on her response.

There wasn't one. Jalinda did an about-face and made her way into the hallway.

"Yo, Unk," Jamal whispered. "Why does she hate you so much? I remember you used to come by the house all the time then one day you were gone. After my dad died, we seen you once or twice and whenever we asked about you, Moms would try to change the subject. When we found out you were in the hospital, I was kind of happy because it meant we got to see you. All our other family is gone so it's pretty lonely. You know Aunty Miah and them came to visit a few months ago?"

"Yeah, we met up and had lunch before I dropped her and your cousins off at the airport." I avoided the other question while watching Jalinda through the tiny space between the hallway and living room. She was looking through the photos Taylor had sent me.

"Mally, help me into the restroom," I asked, putting Riyah on the bed.

As Jamal helped me up, my sister rushed in and insisted on helping me a little too quick, like I was some pervert.

"I'm gay or bisexual or whatever you want to call it, I'm still new to this shit, but one thing I'm not is a pedophile! Shit!" I exploded.

The room was silent, except for Ryiah who was beating on the headboard. My nephews shrugged their shoulders as their mother kicked them and my niece out of the room and shut the door. Still sitting on the bed, I watched her watch me as she walked in place.

"Are you going to say something?"

"All these years and you think I am upset because you are a fucking gay! Naymond Richmond-Scott, I am your sister! I know your black behind better than anyone else in this world, including our mother."

"Why you never say anything?"

"Because I had no right to say anything. That is your truth and you need to walk in it yourself."

She was one to talk about walking in truth. I nodded my head as she continued to explain why we went four years without talking.

In my head I thought it had to do with the fact that I broke an old necklace her father had given her when we were younger, but it was deeper than that. It all started that year we had gone to summer camp.

“I saw you, Nay, it ain't no need to lie bout it, you faggot,” Jon-Jon shoved me against the lockers.

“Back up off me Jon-Jon, you don't even know what you're talking about,” I shoved him back.

“I sat there under the stairs watching you let that boy feel on you. That means you gay and I don't want you round me, you punk!” He muttered as the locker room began to fill up.

"— it was either my family or you, Naymond, and you know how much my family meant to me. The boys were getting older and he didn't want you around them.” She explained, “Remember what it was like growing up without a father? You had it easiest out of all momma kids, at least your daddy was dead and not right down the street raising another woman's kids... all I had was a weak ass necklace mine probably stole,” She pursed her lips and rolled her eyes.

“Unfuckingbelievable!” I muttered in one quick jumbled outburst.

“All I wanted was for my kids to have a father figure in their life and Jon-Jon was just that, God bless his soul.”

“So, you cut me off for that fuck nigga, Jalinda? I knew he had hate in his heart, but never would I ever have in a million years think he would stoop so low. Those kids of yours were like my own; while he was being a drunk, who was providing for you all? Who bought you Pampers and food, Jal? Who?” I didn't give her a chance to answer. “Here, I was thinking you hated me because I broke that funky ass chain your bum ass daddy gave you but boy was I wrong… What? Did that nigga think I was going to turn my nephews out or something? Nicholas and Kymiah were right about you and I should have left with them when I had the chance.”

“Too bad you were so caught up on Taylor to do so, you weirdo.”

“I'm the weirdo because I like what I like? That's​ just like you to say some shit like that, Jal. Was I weird when you needed me to take care of you?”

“You been weird all your life, Nay, this shit ain't new. Like you said, you like what you like and there ain't nothing wrong with that but…”

“But what, Jal? It must be something wrong obviously because I haven't seen my family in almost four years. What the fuck did you want me to do? You can take me as I am or get the fuck out because regardless of what you say, think, or do, I will always be the same nigga I was way back when. The same nigga who put food on your table when you had nothing. The same nigga from the block who hustled to throw you a stack or two for the kid’s school uniforms and bills. The same nigga who stayed up late at night letting you cry on his shoulder when Jon-Jon came home and beat your ass while he was drunk. The same nigga that fronted Jon-Jon the money to keep that raggedy ass house you living in now, Jal. Bet he ain't tell you bout that but that's neither here nor there.”

She looked confused.

“What are you talking about?”

“This gay weirdo nigga standing in front of you been holding it down from a distance, Jal, and don't you ever forget it. While that nigga was dying, he begged me to take care of you. Where you think them checks was coming from while he was laid up in the hospital? Oh, he ain't tell you?”

She stood there looking stupid.

“I should have made him suck dick my with that pretty ass mouth he liked to run...”

She slapped me then left me sitting on the bed as she made her way into the living room. With every ounce of muscle in my body, I mustered up enough strength to get out of the bed and limp to the door frame where I held myself steady.

“…and while you're at it, if you want to talk about walking in your truth, why don’t you tell your sons who their real father is, you weird ass bitch.”

“Mom, what’s he talking about?” Jamal asked as James looked on in confusion as he sat on the couch.

“It’s nothing,” She said grabbing my niece.

“Nah, your mother is a fucking whore! Your daddy was a bitch and you two are bastards!” I shouted upset. “Now get these bastards the fuck out my house!”

My nephews looked at me with sadness, but I didn’t give a fuck. She crossed a line after everything I had done for her in my life.

She walked out of the door cursing up a storm. Limping behind her and the children, I cringed in pain.

"Don't bring your hoe ass back around here, you sad ass bitch!" I yelled as Cassandra was walking up my steps.

She didn't seem phased by the arguing, instead she asked me could we talk for a few minutes. Her heart was heavy and she needed someone who wouldn't judge her.

At that moment, I needed the same.

She helped me into the house and onto the couch where she took a seat next to me. Tears where falling from her eyes as she looked at me with eyes filled with pain.

“I just want things to go back to the way they were. Everything was so simple before…” She cried on my shoulder.

“I feel you on that, mama,” I began to rub circles on her back as she laced my shirt with tears. “You look like you might need a hit or two.”

She sat up, wiped her eyes, and let out a fake chuckle while apologizing for coming over unannounced with her issues. I didn’t mind her coming over and I was actually glad she popped in when she did. Without her, I might have been on that porch all day looking a damn fool.

“Care to share?” I inquired, not wanting her to bring up the scene that had taken place moments earlier.

Cass exhaled deeply then stood to her feet and made her way into my kitchen. Watching her in the mirror, I could see she was searching through the cabinets and pulling out all types of things.

“I take it you don’t want to talk about things,” she looked into the mirror back at me and began to search my freezer. Pulling out a pack of chicken legs, she went to the sink and began to talk. “I work my ass off day and night for those kids to have all of the things I never had in my life and you know what they give me in return?”

I wasn't sure if I was supposed to answer her or not, so I decided to stay silent as she began to look through my cupboards for a pan.

“Nothing, that's what the fuck they give me. Majoree deserves a beating and Mekhi, that little fucker is going to be the death of me. I spent all night at the children's hospital with him to finally find out he was in a car accident… Oh, but there is more to the story. I thought Lucille was beating on my son, so I kicked her out, but she had nothing to do with it. It was all Majoree’s little fast ass fault, riding around with some little fast ass boy…” she continued to go on about all of the things her kids had been into these past few months and I felt sorry for her because I witness some of the foolery when they get out of school and have the house to themselves.

“Are you really sure you want to just drop everything you two built because of a few hiccups? I mean you still love her, right?” I asked.

“I love that girl with all my heart, but things aren’t the same,” She cut the oven on and placed the pan inside, then came to sit with me. “I just think we are in two different places as far as our relationship goes. The spark just isn’t there anymore.”

“If you truly care, you would go home right now and make sure she knows how you feel. Tell her because one day it’s going to be too late.” A tear came to my eye as I stared at the boxes that were sitting on the floor by the coffee table.

“She’s been at the hospital with Mekhi since last night. Hasn’t left his side once and it’s a damn shame because those kids treat her like shit.”

After talking about her kids and girl for a few more minutes, she finally changed the subject to my shouting match with Jal.

“That's my older sister, we haven't spoken in four years.” Pain washed over me. “Can you believe she chose a nigga over her own flesh and blood? Who would do some shit like that? You want to know what's so crazy though?” I asked as she headed to kitchen.

“Yeah,” she shouted back at me.

“Never have I ever put anybody before my family. Anybody needed anything, I got it for them no matter the situation. I'm the youngest out of four and I held shit down since I was fourteen. Me and Tay hustling on the block late nights and early mornings before school just to make sure shit was good. While my older siblings were busy trying to get into college and shit, it was me who decided to make sacrifices for Jal. They wanted a piece of paper and a way out, which they got, while Jal ended up seventeen and pregnant with Jon-Jon so-called baby.”

“The same Jon-Jon from the story you told me last night?”

“Same nigga and guess what, he ain't want it. He wanted nothing to do with her. So now look who stood by her hoe ass, me that's who! I dropped out at fifteen to support my sister as our older brother and sister left to start new lives. I could have went back then but all I thought about was my mother and Jal. By eighteen, Moms had packed up and left the both of us. I could have went, she begged me to go make a better life for myself but by that time, I had gotten deep into the game and had fallen for Taylor; not to mention I was still taking care of Jal, plus I had other commitments here.”

“Why couldn't she take care of herself?”

That question made me think back to a certain situation.

***

“Just like that, big daddy,” Kendra moaned as I had her pinned face down with an arch in her back on my bed. As I pressed myself deeper inside her, she cried out in pleasure.

“You love me, baby?” I asked, pulling out and ramming it back inside her as deep as I could.

“Yessss! I love you, Nayyyy!” She hissed in pleasure as I dropped my honey in her pot.

Collapsing on her back, she giggled as I kissed her neck. “I love you, too, Kendra.” I rolled off of her and laid on my back with my hands cuffed behind my neck looking up at the ceiling.

“We stepping out tonight or are you watching your nephew again?” She said as she laid on my chest.

“I'm not sure yet but I definitely need to hit a few moves, if you're down. Maybe we could sneak out before she ask.”

“As long as we're together, I'm down.” She looked up and pecked my lips as we heard the back door slam.

I looked to my left at the clock on the dresser and sighed. It was only two thirty-seven and Jal was already home with an attitude.

“Wait here a minute, babe, let me see what her problem is,” I slid from under her and picked my grey sweat pants off of the floor and slid them on.

“Nay, make sure you tell her we're stepping out tonight,” Ken called out as I exited the room.

When I made it downstairs, Jal was sitting at the dinner table with Jamal, who had just turned three, and she was crying her eyes out. She had a cigarette on her lips and a red welt across her jaw line.

“What the fuck done happened now?” I asked, furious with her.

If it wasn't one thing, it was another with her and I was sick of it.

“I got into it with one of Jon-Jon’s bitches up at the daycare. This nigga had the nerve to be up there justa smiling in a bitch’s face while my son cried in the back seat of that raggedy ass car of his. Something told me to go pick my baby up today,” she said as she exhaled smoke into Jamal’s face.

“What the fuck is your problem, Jalinda, he has fucking asthma!”

I shook my head and grabbed my nephew off of the table and bounced him on my hip as I looked at my sister with disgust.

“That bitch got another thing coming,” she ignored me.

“You're twenty-two years old out here chasing after a nigga my age who don't want you. Give it up, Jal, it's been four years and he ain't done shit for you, baby girl. It's time you start living for you and Mally because like I keep telling you, niggas won't stay with you just because you got a kid. You gotta get it together.”

“Naymond, you're only twenty, don't act like Jon-Jon is some little ass kid I'm fucking with‍ and it's not one kid, it's two.” She blatantly stated without batting a lash. “Jon-Jon said things will be different this time.” She added.

“Bitch, are you fucking stupid? You pregnant and out here fighting bitches over this nigga? You got life twisted and me fucked up if you think Imma be here raising another one of his kids. It's bad enough I got beef with this nigga.” I felt anger pulsing through my veins. “I should beat the fuck out of you and that nigga.”

Jal ignored my threat as she checked her phone unbothered by me. I shouted in her face and she looked up at me with an attitude.

“Look, Imma be back in an hour, it's a TV dinner in there for Jamal.” She said, putting the cigarette out and getting up from the table.

“Nah, take him with you, I got moves to make!” I yelled after her as she walked out the back door paying me no mind. I walked to the door and looked out the screen to see her walking to the parking lot where Jon-Jon was standing with a few of his niggas. I shook my head as he wrapped his arm around her and kissed her cheek.

“Be happy that's not your real daddy,” I said to Mally as I locked the screen and headed back upstairs with him on my hip to see Kendra fully dressed and putting on her shoes.

“Where you going? I thought we were stepping out tonight?” I asked.

“I can't keep doing this, Nay,” she looked at Jamal then at me. “The only things you're supposed to be focused on at this point in life is me, your bread, and making it out of this place; but you're too worried about everyone else's problems to take care of your own. I let it slide because you are your own man, but this is enough. You ain't gonna be shit running behind your family and little friends all the time. And don't get me started on Taylor because he's the worst friend you could possibly have. He sticks his dick in any bitch who will let him, and you know he robbed them niggas at the dice game last night! Pretty soon both you dummy’s faces will be on a white tee.”

“Don't say shit about Tay, you know the shit we been through,” I snapped as I got defensive.

“Fine then. What happened to them GED classes you was supposed to be doing?” She said as she rolled her eyes.

“Go to your room, papa,” I put Jamal down and he hurried off while I took a seat on the bed next to Kendra. “I've been studying. The test is in two months,” I said.

“You ain't even broken the seal on your book, Naymond, and it's a fucking shame, boo. You're so fucking smart, Naymond, and that's why I fuck with you the way I do, but my patience with you is running so fucking thin, boy. Why can't you see what I see, Nay? You could really do something positive with your life instead of slanging drugs, acting like your sister’s baby daddy, and playing cops and robbers. You're well spoken, handsome as hell, and smart, but you decide to live the life of a street nigga, why?”

“It's not that simple,” I quietly said as I put my head down.

“All you have to do is finish two fucking classes and take a test. It's that simple, Nay. You're never going to get anywhere without that piece of paper and if you can't see that then we're done, because obviously, you don't want better for you or me.” She finished lacing her shoes and started to head for the door.

I stood to my feet and blocked her.

“Where is all of this coming from, Ken?” I asked as she tried to push me out the way. “Fucking talk to me, girl.”

“I heard what your stupid ass sister said and while I was getting dressed, I could see her through the window getting into the car with him. Which means two things: one, you're about to be a daddy again because everybody knows Jon-Jon ain't stepping up to that plate, and two… Your rat ass sister is going to be too busy running after that nigga to take care of them which leaves you here to play Mr. Nanny. Now, if that's the life you wanna lead then so be it, but I'm not going to be a part of it any longer. I'm your woman and I refuse to be neglected, what's going to happen when we have our own kid?”

“So, what you want me to do? You want me to abandon my family? Jal is barely making it without me, you think Ima just stop taking care of her and leave Jamal? She's just a kid with a kid,” I tried my best to explain to her and all she did was laugh.

“Naymond! That bitch is slowing you down! She is a grown ass woman depending on her little brother to take care of her. Where do they do that at? She's twenty-two with no education, living on government assistance, and still can't take care of her own. The rent is thirty-six dollars; she gets six hundred dollars in food stamps and at least five hundred in cash and yet still can't pay the fucking bills! Spare me that sob stories, boo. She's weighing you down. When you get that GED, a stable job, and drop your sister, holla at me, Nay, but until then we have nothing to talk about. It is over, now get the fuck up out my face.” I politely moved out of the way and let Kendra leave.

Later that night, Jamal and I had dinner together in front of the television while I studied and thought about everything Kendra said to me that afternoon. She had some valid points, but I was still stuck on family and there was nothing that was going to come before them in my book. There had to be another way to balance the two without letting myself down.

“Uncle Nay loves you, Jamal,” I said as he paid me no attention.

Feeling lonely, I grabbed the house phone off of the table next to me and dialed Kendra's number.

“Hey, Nay, Kendra says she doesn't want to speak with you. What else you say, Ken? And if you loved her you would, look Kendra talk to this boy your damn self! No!” Her little sister continued to argue with her while I waited.

Kendra finally got the phone and began to speak, “What do you want, Nay?”

“I been thinkin bout what you said and you're right. I need to get my shit together and quit playing.”

“So, you're gonna let Jalinda figure out shit on her own for once?” Her tone was dry.

“It's gonna take some time but you're right, she gotta step up…”

Beep Beep

“Someone's on the other line, give me a second, Ken,” I clicked over to hear a bunch of noise. “Hello?”

“Yooo, Nay, shits getting brazy out here! I swear to God, Jal, Imma beat the fuck out of you keep scratching me. Nay, meet me on the block, yo sister is gone off something out here wildin’, my nigga. Jal! Fucking grab her nigga!” The line clicked back over to Kendra.

“I'll call you back, Ken,” I hung up in her face then proceeded to head upstairs to the bathroom.

Once inside, I reached under the sink and grabbed the small 22. Cal from inside an empty container then headed into Jal’s room to grab a coat and blanket for Jamal. Rushing back down the stairs, I swooped Jamal into my arms and put his jacket on in a rush. It was inside out but I didn't give a fuck as I wrapped him into the blanket. Practically tossing his little body into his stroller, I headed out the door not bothering to lock it behind me.

My heart was beating hard with every stride I took trying to get to my sister as Jamal cried in the stroller. We arrived five minutes later, on the other side of the projects, to see Jal getting put into the back of a squad car while everyone sat watching her act a fool. Fuck! Was all I could think as I stood there.

“Yoooo, bro,” Taylor approached me out of breath and sweaty.

It was damn near forty degrees out here and he was dressed in basketball shorts and house shoes. His chest was covered in scratches and his eye was a light shade of pink.

“What the fuck happened out here?” I asked, watching one of the squad cars pull away.

“I don't even know, I was posted in the crib chillin when auntie come upstairs talking bout Jal out there wrecking shit. I slid on my shoes and went to see what was popping and that bitch was off something. Jon-Jon just sitting there watching her laughing like it was funny.”

“Word?” I said peeping the scene out.

“I told that nigga help me get her in the house before something happens, but all this nigga did was shrug his shoulders and try to walk away. That's when I hit yo line, bro; she was gone, like really gone, off that shit. She popped me in my eye then rushed that nigga, Jon-Jon, and fucked up his shit. That nigga didn't know what the fuck was going on and shit was hella funny until he pulled the burner out.” Taylor yapped.

“Is that right? Where that nigga at now?” I continued to look around.

“He finna take a charge, niggas got his ass. Pulled up and snatched that nigga down. You know he bout to do some years.” Taylor said pointing at the second squad car.

Looking into the distance, a tear fell from my eye as I thought about what Kendra said.

“I'll see you later man, be safe. Love you,”

I turned the stroller around and headed towards the house with Jamal still crying. When I made it back, we headed upstairs to my room where I crawled into bed and held Jamal, not knowing where life was going to take us.

The next morning, I woke up with a foot in my face and the sound of pounding on the door. I got out of the bed and looked out of my window to Taylor still banging on the door.

“Bruh! Knock that shit off, Jamal is sleeping!” I shouted down to him.

“My bad, bro, toss me the keys. I gotta take a piss!” He shouted making me laugh.

I tossed him down the keys and he let himself in as I got out my clothes for the day. Once I was done picking out my outfit, Tay still hadn't come upstairs yet.

Making my way down the stairs, I found him at the dinner table making himself a sandwich with all the fixings with a cup of noodles in the microwave.

“Yo, you got a few messages,” he said as the microwave dinged.

“You ain't got no food at home?” I joked as I picked up the receiver off of the couch.

“Man, I woke up, went to get some cereal out the fridge, and everything in that bitch was spoiled. Aunt Gail ass ain't pay the light bill.”

“I told you these bitches ain't shit. You know Ken broke up with me last night?” I said as I listened to Jalinda’s messages. She was going to go before the judge on Monday and probably be home Tuesday.

“Word? I thought y'all was all in love and shit. What happened?”

“She said you and Jal holding me back. You know same old same, but fuck her, we all we got, right?”

“You know I got you, bro, now onto business. We bussing this move or what?” He pulled out a key ring and tossed it in my lap. “That nigga, Jon-Jon, ain't gonna need them for a while. Go get dressed and let's do this shit, son!” Taylor lit up like a kid in a candy store.

“Bet, make me a few sandwiches while you at it.”

I headed into the restroom to brush my teeth and wash my face before I headed upstairs to get dressed. Once I was finished, I got Jamal washed up and dressed then headed downstairs where Taylor was waiting with sandwiches in hand.

“Nay, before we go do this I wanna get something off my chest. No funny shit though,” he seemed nervous.

“Come on, man, don't start with that sentimental bullshit.

“Nah, fam, this some real shit. We been boys since before I could remember and through everything, you had my back and now it's my turn to have yours. That shit with Jal is finna get really real out here and Ken played herself and lost a good nigga.” I smiled. “Imma keep it real, Jal might get a few months, or years, and it's gonna get rough so if you need me, I got you, bro. If you wanna go to yo lil classes and get ya GED, Imma babysit for you, watch nephew and what not. Shit, a nigga might just get his, you never know…”

Butterflies grew in my stomach as he continued to let me know he would do any and everything in his power to help me through the storm that was about to hit.

“I love you, Tay,” I awkwardly confessed.

“Love you, too, nigga, now let's get this paper.” He casually gave me a dap then headed out the door.

We hopped in Jon-Jon’s car and headed towards the nice part of LA where niggas actually had money and then we posted up in a dead end alleyway where you couldn't really see us. There was a loading dock and a couple of dumpsters but other than that it was empty.

“Poppas, remember what uncle told you.” I kissed him on the forehead before sending him to the entrance of the alleyway.

“I hope this shit works.” Tay said as he pulled his mask down over his face.

“It better, nigga, cuz if it doesn't, we’re fucked.” I said, watching, peeking around the corner to see Jamal in a soggy pamper and no shoes.

Just like we planned, he sat behind a dumpster and cried until an older group of women came to his rescue.

They were asking him all types of questions as he cried.

“Momma hurt,” he grabbed one of the old lady's hand and walked her towards us with the group following behind.

When they cut the corner, Tay grabbed Jamal and I pulled the strap on the old biddies. Their faces was priceless as I made them line up against the wall and stripped them for everything they had. Once Tay loaded up our back, he got Jamal out of there. I waited with the women so they could get away before I dipped off and met them a few blocks away from the crime scene.

When we made it back to the house, Kendra was sitting on the porch with an attitude.

“What's in the bag, Naymond?” She smacked me like I was her child. “I thought I was being hard on you yesterday and came to apologize but this the type of shit you on?

You don't deserve me, it's real over this time. Lose my number, you fucking thief ass nigga. And you, Taylor, I hope you don't get this fool killed running behind your dumb ass! If you was such a good friend, you'd keep him away from all this bullshit.”

She walked off still cursing the both of us.

“Fuck that duck ass bitch, let's go count this up, pawn the bling, and get ready for court.” Tay said.

“Yeah, you right,” I replied as I watched her fade away.

***

“She got two years after that, Cass, two fucking years and guess what?” I asked.

“What?” She responded.

“Taylor did everything in his power to help me raise Jamal and he even went so far as to let Jal put his name on James’ birth certificate so he could get custody of the little bastard. The bitch is ungrateful, that's all it is!” I shouted.

5

Standing over Naymond’s stove I couldn't help but to feel bad for the kid.

I finished cooking and made Naymond a plate then helped him to the dining room table.

“Last time I had a meal like this was when I went to visit my mother.” He smiled bright before he put his head down for prayer.

“You and your mother close?” I asked, wanting to know more about him.

“As close as New York and California allows. What about you and your parents?”

I awkwardly scratched my head. “After I made it official with my boyfriend who is also my husband, they disowned me for good.” I forced a chuckle.

Naymond put down his fork and waited on me to tell my story, but I couldn't do that without thinking back to the day I knew I wasn't cut out for a normal relationship.

“Well, it all started when I was fifteen,” I began.

***

“Cassandra, this is Major. The gentleman your father and I had been telling you about? His parents are thinking about a joining the Church.” My mother beamed as Major stood in the front of the church dressed in a white T-shirt and gray sweatpants. He was a shade darker than honey with deep dark mysterious eyes and a head full of neatly placed dreads that stopped just below his shoulder blades.

It was a Saturday, so my parents were preparing for the first Sunday sermon as I sat in the back pews stuffing candy bags for the youth service. Stopping what I was doing, I fixed a smile on my face and walked down the aisle to give him the proper greeting.

Extending my hand to him, he shook it and whispered a sweet greeting before kissing my hand with wet lips. Nausea began to rear its ugly head up as disgust threatened to expose itself in the form of an ugh.

“So, you're new in town?” I pulled my hand away and wiped it on the back of my dress, still smiling.

“I've been here for a few months, I actually met your mother when I arrived.”

The small talk continued for a few moments before my mother volunteered me to go on a date with him the upcoming week. I politely declined but my mother was having none of it and volunteered to be our chaperone​.

“That's settled, now why don't you two get to know each other,” My mother smiled as she shooed me away.

I headed back to where I left the candy and took a seat with Major sitting beside me.

“I take it you don't like me?” His voice was smooth as he popped a candy into his mouth.

“Nigga, I don't even know you, what makes you think I like or dislike you.”

“It's all in your body language. When I kissed your hand, you looked like you wanted to throw up in my face. Just the sound of my name made you squirm. So, what's up? Do you know me or something?”

“I apologize, it's just you reminded me of someone.”

I lied like a dog; I honestly didn't want to get to know him and I had no intention to be friends with him.

“Like an ex?”

“Something like it.”

He continued to talk me to death as I thought about the reason my mother wanted me to go on this date so bad.

It had been three weeks prior and my parents were supposed to be out on a date, which meant leaving me home all alone to myself. Once I figured the coast was clear, I locked the house up, closed the blinds, and headed to the stairwell that lead to the basement where my best friend, Kadeja, was hiding behind an old washer and dryer.

“Kadeja, come on.” I yelled not wanting to go all the way down there.

My parents hated that I was friends with Kadeja and didn't allow her into their home for fear that she would taint my precious soul. When in all reality, I was the one tainting this poor child's soul. I wasn't even allowed to hang with her at school, but we made it work the best we could.

“Girl, it's funky down there, why I always gotta hide in the basement?” She rolled her eyes before slamming her backpack into my chest.

“Ouch, do you always have to be so violent?” I asked unzipping the backpack.

“Because I don't want to do this, that's gross. Just look at them.” She whined.

“What's so gross about sex? That's how you were made, now what do you want to watch first? Backyard Bounce or Playful Pussycat?” I asked pulling two of the five VHS tapes out of her backpack.

“Backyard Bounce, it sounds innocent.” She said going into the refrigerator and grabbing a coke.

“Playful Pussycat it is,” I dropped her bag on the couch and bent down to pop the tape into the VCR.

Instantly, the movie began to play on the large television set. I took a seat in my father’s recliner and kicked my feet up while commercials of other porn movies played. None of them seemed interesting to me and the sight of an actual penis gave me the chills in a creepy way.

“Look at his six-pack girl!” Kadeja shouted as she scooted closer to the television.

“Yeah, that’s nice,” I cooed, trying to seem interested in the man on the commercial playing with his penis. “Let's get to the movie,” I picked up the remote, fast forwarded to the opening credits, and hit the play button.

Just the sight of the ebony woman sleeping nude in bed aroused me as a Latin woman entered the scene dressed in a two-piece pant suit.

“I didn't sign up for this, Cass,” Kadeja complained.

“Shh,” I said, crossing my legs as I stared at the screen in awe.

The Latina tried to wake the black lady up, but she wouldn't budge at all. Getting frustrated with the black chick, the Latina spread the black chick’s legs and began to rub between her thighs. At this point, I was getting all hot and bothered. The sight of her pink pussy being spread made my clit pulsate.

Still sitting in the recliner with my legs up, I lifted my skirt and pulled my panties to the side revealing myself. Kadeja looked from the screen to me.

“Come here, Kadeja,” I smiled, while watching the Latin lady finger the black chick.

Kadeja walked over to me as I rubbed my pussy.

“Yes?” She said, nervously looking at my exposed cat.

“I want you to do what she's doing,” I said, looking at the Latin chick face first in the black chick’s cat.

Kadeja looked like she wanted to say no but got down on her knees in front of the recliner and put her face in my pussy and began to kiss it.

“Use your tongue, Deja, you're supposed to lick it then suck on it, girl.” I instructed her. “Shhhhiit, just like that. Use your fingers, too!” I demanded, while she sucked on my clit like there was no tomorrow.

“Waaait, stop!” I moaned, feeling light headed as Kadeja seemed to be enjoying herself. “Please!” I cried out as she began to stick her tongue in my pussy while rubbing my clit with her thumb.

I never knew pleasure like that existed until Kadeja lifted her head from out of my lap and ordered me to lift up. Raising my hips, she pulled my panties down to my ankles and went back in like she had done this before. The way her tongue moved in and out of my cat, I swear she was trying to suck my soul out.

“What the fuck is going on here!?” My mother's voice boomed as Kadeja pulled her tongue out and began to suck on my clit again.

“Fuuuuuuuccck!” I hollered as Kadeja's face rose from under my skirt covered in a thin layer of cream.

I was stuck in place as my body continued to quake in pleasure as my mother damn near had a heart attack.

“Get the fuck out of my house!” She bellowed at Kadeja as she grabbed the broom from behind the door and started swinging like Barry Bonds. It was the funniest thing to see Deja duck and dodge my mother as she collected her belongings.

“I was talking to you,” Major said interrupting my thoughts.

“What were you saying?” I asked, still stuffing the bags full of candy.

“Why did you break up?”

“Because I'm not into his kind, if you know what I mean,” I said. Major looked at me and laughed. “What's funny?”

“He must ain't put it down right,” he licked his lips.

“He ain't put it down at all,” I sucked my teeth.

Leaning over, he whispered in my ear in the sexiest voice ever and said, “You never know what you might be into,” Major grabbed my free hand and placed it on his penis.

“Is that right?” I asked, stroking it.

I felt nothing at all. There was no rush or tingling in my spine; there was absolutely nothing at all. Letting out a sigh, I removed my hand from his lap and went back to stuffing the bags.

Later that week, I sat in the living room dressed in a pink summer dress with wedges and my hair laid. I felt so uncomfortable as I waited for Major to knock on the door. We had been talking for about a week about bullshit over the phone but nothing really too serious. It was more of a “how are you doing and a make an excuse to get off the phone” type thing but he didn't get that.

My father was at work and my mother kept asking me if I was nervous. Truly, I was just ready to get the night over with so I would never have to see or talk to this boy again.

“Where did I go wrong with you?” My mother questioned.

“At birth,” I snapped back quickly.

Before she could reply, the doorbell chimed. My mother gave me a stern look before she got up and answered the door. Standing in front of her was Major dressed in a pair of nice blue jeans and a white tee with an unbuttoned long sleeve flannel shirt.

“Cass, Mrs. Sanders,” He smiled at me from the doorway.

“Sup,” I nodded my head and grabbed my backpack off of the coffee table.

“Let me get my bag,” My mother smiled.

“Um, Mrs. Sanders, is it alright if we go alone? My sister let me get the car for the night.” He smiled. “I'm an excellent driver,” he added.

I rolled my eyes annoyed as my mother agreed to let me go alone with Major. This was the same woman who didn’t even let me walk to school by myself.

“Be back by ten thirty,” my mother shouted as I waved goodbye and stepped out the door to see a luxury car that looked fresh off the lot.

“Damn, what kind of job your sister got?” I asked, approaching the car and admiring it.

Major laughed and got into the driver seat. Getting into the passenger side, I asked again and he laughed it off.

“You ask a lot of questions, little girl, just sit back and go with the flow, aight’.” Major demanded.

The way he commanded me to sit back in my seat was exciting and I did as I was told. Major started the car and pulled out of my parent’s driveway then headed towards the freeway with the speaker blasting the latest Ja Rule album. By the tenth song on the album, he was getting off of the freeway and turning into a Double Tree hotel.

Cutting down the radio, I asked what we were doing there but he ignored me and exited out of the car with his bag. Passing the valet attendant his keys, they exchanged a few words then the attendant provided him with a ticket.

“You coming or what?” Major shouted back at me as he continued into the lobby.

Grabbing my backpack and following him into the hotel lobby then to the main desk, he retrieved a key card and a few smiles from the women behind the desk. As they fawned over him, I couldn't help but laugh at how unbothered he was.

“Have a good night, ladies,” he nodded then proceeded to grab me by the hand and guide me towards the elevator.

“This ain't that type of party, I just came to dance for y'all and that's it.” I quoted Ebony from Players Club as we entered the elevator.

“Then show me what you workin’ with,” he pulled me into his chest and I gasped as the elevator doors opened and an elderly couple stood there looking at us.

Major pushed me away. “Chill out Ebony,” he faked an attitude causing me bust out into laughter as they entered and stood as far away as they could in such a tiny space. It had to be the most awkward thirty-five seconds of my life. As the doors to the elevator finally opened again, we stepped off and once the doors shut, we both burst into laughter.

“Room 4-0-2,” Major pointed a couple of feet away.

I stood there, kind of nervous, not knowing what exactly we were going to be doing.

“Do you always do that?” He asked while unlocking the door.

“Do what?” I scrunched my nose up.

“That thing you're doing now, it's like you're off in your own little world having a conversation with yourself.” He said entering the room as I trailed behind him.

“My bad, I was just thinking.”

“Care to share?”

“Not really,”

“Well, since you don't feel like talking, feel free to order room service or a movie while I get cleaned up right quick.” He said as he disappeared into the restroom.

Emptying my bag on the bed, I pulled the hideous dress and all the corny accessories off and threw on a pair of blue jeans with a plain blue shirt and tennis shoes. After stuffing my girly clothes back into the bag, I got into bed and waited on Major to finish doing whatever he was doing in the bathroom. By the time he was finished, my eyes were just closing.

“You ready to party?” He asked, standing in the doorway of the bathroom dressed in a black shirt with blue jeans and a fitted cap, all well put together with a red and black varsity jacket.

I rolled over in the bed and sighed, upset that he was making me get out of bed. If it was one thing I loved in this world, it was sleep.

“Just enjoy the moment, lil girl,” he picked me up out of the bed like a ragdoll and stood me upright.

Major was working my nerves the way he was keeping secrets and treating me like a little kid.

“How old are you?” I asked a little too late.

“My license say twenty seven,” My eyes widened and he laughed. “But my birth certificate says seventeen, any more questions?”

“How do you know my mother? Why are we at a hotel and are you trying to fuck me?” I said as I crossed my arms over my chest.

“A few months back, she visited my parent’s church right before I moved out here. We came here so I could shower and handle some business. So, you coming or what?”

“You didn’t answer my question, Major,” I took a seat on the bed, folded one leg over the other, and stared into his eyes; they were beautiful but filled with pain at the same time.

The way he looked at me finally gave me that shiver up my spine that I had been looking for. You know the feeling of bliss you get for just one second, letting you know that this was the one, the one you wanted to give everything to? I shook my head at the thought of giving myself to a man and gagged a little.

“Confused much, Cass?” I mumbled under my breath.

“What?” His brows furrowed.

“Nothing, just answer the question, boy,”

“I’m just trying to be a friend. That’s it, that’s all, now can we go?” He pouted.

“So, I'm not good enough for you?” My mood switched like a light.

“That's not what I'm saying, you're gay anyway so why would it matter if I wanted to fuck you or not?”

“I'm not gay,” I snapped as anger was rising up inside of me.

“All week, I have been trying to get you to open up to me and you continuously shit on me with them lame ass excuses. You even said you weren't into my type on numerous occasions, that means you're gay,” he said as he got angry this time.

“Whatever,”

Major looked me in my eyes and told me to prove it. Standing there playing with my fingers, he challenged me again by saying that if I wasn't gay, I would kiss him. When that didn't work, he pushed me on to the bed, pinned me down by my wrists, and looked me in my eyes.

A smile was brought to my lips as another shiver crept up my spine. He leaned his body over mine and planted a kiss on my neck then moved to my cheek and next my lips.

“Get off of me,” I bucked, not ready to try anything with a male.

“Like I said, you're gay, now let's go,” he got off of me and straightened himself out.

“I'm not gay, I'm just confused. I don't know what I want,” I confessed.

He said nothing. I got off the bed and followed him to the door. Before we exited the room, Major turned to me and smiled awkwardly like he wanted to tell me something then shook his head and exited the room. I shrugged it off and followed him to the stairwell where he went up two flights of stairs to the sixth floor.

Once we made our way out of the stairwell, I could hear loud music coming through the walls. Lots of people were making out in the hallway like it was the thing to do, while others laid slumped on the floor like junkies. Major looked at me as I tucked my hands in my pockets and awkwardly watched on in shock.

Major wrapped his arms around me and whispered I'm my ear, “I got you, don't even trip,” then proceeded to lead me down the hallway as he shook hands with everyone we passed by.

I didn't notice until about the fourth or fifth time that he was actually taking something out of his pocket and exchanging it for money. As we made it into the room that the actual party was in, everybody wanted a piece of Major and I was pushed out of the way and forgotten about. Everything was so noisy and way out of my element, I couldn't even function properly. Lights were flashing everywhere, and a thick cloud of smoke hovered in the air as people danced, laughed, and enjoyed their life in the moment.

Feeling overwhelmed, I took a seat on a couch and stayed to myself until some yuck-mouth looking bastard came and sat next to me, trying to put his mack down. He was an older man with a nappy beard that didn't connect. His head was covered by a skully and his clothes were a bit soiled. I was disgusted, and I was sure it was displayed on my face while I tried to politely let him down, but he kept on trying to get at me with his weak ass pickup lines.

“Sir, I told you once, now I'm going to tell you again. I don't want to talk to you let alone let you stick your shrimp dick in any orifice on my body. Now leave me the fuck alone!” I shouted in his face.

“You think you better than me, that's what it is, huh? Get over here, Bitch!”

The man stood to his feet and forcefully pulled me out of the chair by my wrist. I struggle with him for a few moments before he wrapped me in a bear hug and tried to drag me out of the suite. The partygoers were too high out of their minds to even notice what was going on and my only hope was to find Major. All I could do was scream for him but everywhere I turned to look, he wasn't in sight.

“Dear, Lord, I come to you in my time of need. Lord, please watch over me and protect me,” I repeated over and over as the man kept walking with me.

I was helpless and nobody did anything to help me. It seemed like my screams were purposefully going unnoticed by the crowd of people we passed. The man opened up the stairwell and tears began to fall as I envisioned myself being brutally murdered and dumped on the side of the road.

“What the fuck is going on?” Major’s voice instantly calmed me as he stood on the top of the stairwell trying to zip his pants up while one of the women we seen at the receptionist desk wiped her mouth.

The man looked at him and kept moving down the stairs with me in his arms like it was nothing. I could hear Major’s footsteps following behind.

“Take another step and I’ll blow your fucking brains out, pussy!” Major yelled and the man came to a sudden stop. “Yeah, now let her go…”

The man released me and I fell to the floor with tears in my eyes, but Major wasn’t done with the man just yet. He directed him to get down and face the wall with his hands behind his back as he searched his pockets and pulled out a wallet and keys.

“You think you such a guy?” He asked thumbing through the wallet. “Andre Johnson, 1243 East Belmont Road APT #13, Social Security Number 395-73-1935…”

Major paused a moment while looking in the wallet then pulled out a family photo and showed it to me with a smile on his face. There were three girls around the ages of five to ten years old and I couldn’t help but wonder if they knew their father was a weirdo. Major tucked the ID, Social Security Card, and photo into his pocket then tossed the wallet down the stairs.

“Listen up, big man, this is how shit is gonna go down,” Major glanced towards me then turned the man around so that he was looking me in the eyes. “You're gonna get on your hands and knees like the bitch you are and apologize to the lady.” He demanded.

The man who was already on his knees placed his hands on the floor and sat like a puppy.

“I'm sorry,” he whimpered, and Major got pissed off.

He grabbed him by the throat and stood him up, so they were eye to eye.

“You either going to apologize the right way or get fucked up.” Major backhanded him. “So, what's it going to be?” He asked the man as I stood there shaking, afraid of what was going to happen.

For the second time, the man got down on all fours and apologized to me but it still wasn't enough for Major.

“Get the fuck up!” Major yelled as he tugged at the man’s clothes.

He stood to his feet and Major smacked him in the mouth. Blood poured from his mouth and urine ran down his leg.

“Major!” I yelled.

He dropped the man to the floor then looked at me standing there with tears in my eyes and rushed to my side. He wrapped both arms around me and kissed my forehead.

“It's alright, Cassandra,” he whispered.

“Take me home, now,” I spoke in a slow uneven tone.

He handed me the keys to the room and told me to head upstairs but I refused to leave him here with this man. I didn't want anything else to happen to anyone.

Major asked me to close my eyes and I did as I was told for a moment until I heard his footsteps then I slightly opened my eyes. Major stood above the man with his gun at the base of his Skull.

“Your life has been spared, be thankful.” He then whispered in his ear, “If we ever cross paths again, that'll be the last day you ever live to see, you understand me?” Major asked.

“Yes Sir,” The man stammered before Major struck him in the side of the temple with the butt of his gun.

The man’s body fell completely limp and I closed my eyes out of fear as Major stood straight up. I was upset, confused, and worried all at the same time. My emotions were all over the place as Major grabbed me up and wrapped an arm around me tightly.

“As long as we're friends, I swear on everything I hold near and dear to me, nothing will ever happen to you.” He vowed as we walked down a flight of stairs to our room.

Once we made it into the room, Major hurried into the bathroom to take a shower while I sat on the edge of the bed praying for the man in the hallway. There was no way my fifteen-year-old ass was going to go down as an accessory to murder, not if the good man above had anything to do with it.

“I shouldn't have left you alone,” Major broke the silence of the room as he exited the bathroom, now dressed in a wife beater and a pair of A&W Root Beer pajama pants.

“It's getting late, can you take me home? Please, I just want to go home.”

“I would but I can't,” he said nonchalantly as he jumped in the bed and smothered himself between the many pillows on the bed.

“What do you mean you can't?” My neck snapped back violently as I shot him an evil glare.

“I just can't,” he mumbled, then rolled over so I wouldn't see his face.

“My mother expects me to be home by ten thirty, it's eleven o'clock.” He laughed at me then rolled over and shook his head. “What's funny?”

“I got a confession, you might not like it though.” he let out a sigh and covered his face with his hand. “I never wanted anyone to get hurt because I'm not that type of dude but when I saw you handing out groceries in the projects a few weeks, back I wanted to get to know you a little better. I had been seeing you every week, but this time was different. You were happy and shit. You had this glow like everything in the world was right as I stood there doing the devil's work, as ya pops would call it.

I hid my stash in an old garbage bag and headed towards you and as I crossed the street, I was approached by a dude who said he'd pay me a couple thousand dollars to take his daughter out and take her virginity. A nigga thought he was crazy but agreed because the money was right, I mean, I wasn't going to do it. I never knew it was you, I promise. I thought it was some lonely bitch who needed some attention, but it was the complete opposite. I knew I should have called all this shit off, but I couldn't, and I fucked up, you gotta believe me.”

Confused by his answer, I sat there paralyzed.

“You not going to say anything?”

I couldn't say anything as tears rushed down my cheeks. Major sat up in bed and began to curse himself like any of this was his fault.

“You can have the money, I don't want it. I haven't even touched it,” he said it like that was going to make me feel better about the whole situation. My parents were basically pimping me out like some whore.

“Thank you, Major,” I stood to my feet and grabbed my backpack.

I had no idea where I was going but I was going as far as my two feet would take me. I took one more look at Major then exited the room.

“Hold the doors!” I yelled rushing to the elevator. Major was calling me as I stepped on and headed to the lobby.

When the doors opened on the main floor, I stepped off and headed outside where a warm gust of air hit me. Tears still flowing, my vision grew blurry as I headed God knows where in the middle of the night. I got about a block and a half before Major jogged up behind me, still in his pajamas.

“I don't want to talk,” I said as I rolled my eyes as he walked beside me.

“You don't have to, just listen.” He grabbed me by my wrist and I snatched away from him.

“You don't have the right to put your filthy hands on me.” I growled in his face and he put his hands up in protest. “I was starting to like you, Major, and up until this point, I never felt anything for any male ever in my life and just when I start to feel a little tinge of something, you go and screw it up. I actually thought you liked me, but it was too good to be true. Just fuck off!”

“So, do you like me or what? Make up your mind, Cassandra! Are you straight or are you gay? Let me fucking know! For the past two weeks, I been trying to get to know you for who you are regardless of the money and I have gotten nowhere. What the fuck are you afraid of?” He barked back.

“I'm afraid of being hurt by a nothing ass nigga like my father. At least with a bitch, I know where her mind is at but men are all the same. You don't know what it feels like to see your mother cry late at night when your father doesn't come home? That little money means nothing; for my thirteenth birthday, I got two thousand dollars for keeping my mouth shut. Good old Pastor Charlie was blessing bitches in the back of the church!” I blurted out.

For the first time in my life, a sense of relief washed over me, finally knowing that someone besides myself knew the truth. I continued to walk in silence towards a nearby bus stop where I took a seat.

“I'm sorry,” Major said sitting on the opposite side of the bench.

He had his elbows on his knees as he looked out at the ongoing traffic.

“You're a whore, a gigolo, a prostitute—”

He laughed and shook his head still looking into traffic.

“I'm just a poor ass nigga from the hood who took advantage of an opportunity. If you want to be mad at anyone, be mad at your mom and father. All I wanted was to make enough change to last for a month or two.” He began to cry. “This shit is bigger than you, Cass, and you don't even understand.”

“Make me understand.”

“Everything I do, I do for a reason. Nobody gave me shit in my seventeen years of life. I hustle hard from sun up to sun down to provide for a woman who can't even look me in my eyes. Do you know what it's like to be the son of a rapist? My mother can't stand to look me in my eyes because some bastard raped her and left her for dead in an alley when she was sixteen. I wake up every morning hating myself for being here and being a constant reminder to her.” He sat back and shook his head.

“I'm sorry, Cass, I really needed the money. The car is stolen and the only reason we came here tonight was to make the drop and to work the crowd. I didn't mean for anything to happen to you and I should have never taken the money from your parents. That's it, you know now. Let's just get our shit and go.”

He wiped his eyes and stood to his feet. Grabbing him by the wrist, I pulled him back down in the seat next me and laid my head on his shoulder. I didn't know how we went from me being confused about my sexuality to him breaking down about his mother in such a short time.

As we sat there watching the cars pass us by, Major opened up to me about his upbringing and how he ended up selling drugs and running cars. It was very interesting and by the end of the conversation, I felt bad for being angry at him. He was just a normal teen under all of the tough guy shit and if I was in his shoes, I would have taken the cash from my parents as well.

“Let's go back to the hotel, it's getting pretty cold out here,” I insisted.

Once we made it into the room, I gave Major back his jacket and took a seat on the bed while he ordered something for us to eat. We ate, we talked, and we fell asleep in each other's arms.

***

There was a knock on Naymond’s door followed by my daughter's high-pitched voice. I hadn't realized time was passing me by as I spoke about Major.

“Come in,” Naymond yelled.

Majoree opened the door and peeked her head in before stepping completely inside.

“Lucy called and wanted to know if you were coming back anytime soon, and you got a letter from Daddy,” she said as she handed me the mail.

“Give me a few minutes while I clean these dishes and we can go.” I grabbed the plate in front of Naymond and headed into the kitchen.

“So,” Majoree looked around the place before sitting down across from Naymond at the dinner table. “What's up with you and my mother?” she tapped her freshly painted nails against the glass surface while giving him the evil eye.

He chuckled a bit before letting her know that he wasn't interested in me that way and she rolled her eyes.

“So, my mom isn't good enough for you? That's what you telling me?”

She leaned forward and looked him dead in the eyes. Nay looked at me then back to my daughter and shrugged his shoulder not knowing where she was going with the third degree.

“You better watch yourself, Majoree,” I said rinsing my hands before coming out of the kitchen.

“I gotta watch you, too,” She sassed before getting up and handing me my things.

I honestly wanted to pop her in the mouth as she exited out of the door with an attitude. After apologizing to Naymond, I made my exit to find Majoree standing by the car with a scrunched up face. I approached her with open arms and surprisingly, she laid her head on my chest and began to shed tears.

“What's wrong, baby?” I asked as I rubbed her back.

“It's nothing, I just needed a hug.” She released me and dried her eyes.

Not wanting to push and cause a fight, I unlocked the car and sat my things in the back seat before getting in and starting the car.

Thug Luvin’ by Ja Rule and Bobby Brown began playing through the speaker as I checked the mirrors before backing out of the parking space.

“Your father used to love this song, I remember he would sing it to me while I was pregnant with you.” I smiled while nodding my head to this beat.

Baby girl smacked her lips and cut the radio off. Everything inside me was telling me to say something but I decided to leave her alone; I already had enough shit to deal with. The ride to the hospital was long and uncomfortable as we both sat in silence listening to the hum of the city. By the time we made it out of traffic and down town to the hospital, Lucy was calling to let me know the doctors wanted to speak with me about Mekhi and what was going on with him. I let her know we would there in fifteen minutes but I just had to make a quick run to the cafeteria to pick her up something to eat.

***

As we made it to the cafeteria, Majoree let me know that she would wait for me by the elevators as I went to pick up Lucy something, which was odd because my baby never missed a meal ever. I gave her the side eye before making my way into the cafeteria area by myself. Looking around for a few minutes, I decided on a fruit bowl for myself and two prepackaged salads for the girls. When I made to the checkout line, I could see Majoree standing by the elevators with her cellphone to her ear shaking her head. The more I watched her, the more I could tell she was upset and couldn't get through to whoever she was trying to call. She placed her hand on her forehead and began cursing loud enough for me to hear her from where I stood.

“Ma'am,” I handed the person at the register my card as I watched her put the phone back to her ear.

“Fuck you! Fuck me? Yeah, okay bitch!” She yelled into the phone.

I got my card and items and exited the room to see what was wrong with this girl. As I approached her, she dried her eyes and smiled like she wasn't just making a mockery of herself two seconds ago.

“You ready?” She asked pushing the button on the elevator. The doors opened instantly, we stepped on and the doors closed behind us.

“Who was on the phone, Majoree?” I questioned as we headed up.

No answer was given so I asked again. By the time we reached our floor, I had already asked her four times and she remained silent. When we stepped off, I grabbed her by her tiny wrist and pulled her into the restroom. As the door closed behind us, I lost my cool and smacked her in the mouth.

“Listen here, little girl, I don't know who the fuck you think you are but I am the fucking parent and I will be treated as such, do you fucking understand me?” I snarled at her. “I'm sick of playing these games with you!”

She stood there with her hand touching the spot I just smacked her in.

“You hit me. You actually hit me?” She asked as tears came down her cheeks.

“You damn right I hit you, and I would do it again, you little ungrateful bastard! You need to be hit right along with your dumb ass brother! Now fix your fucking face and dry your eyes because enough is e-fuckin-nough, Majoree Jewel Jordan! I raised you better than this and you know better than to be doing all that cursing and talking back!”

My chest heaved up and down quickly as I tried to compose myself. I never really hit my child like that out of anger and it really did hurt me more than it hurt her. As she dried her eyes in the mirror, her cellphone buzzed in her pocket. She pulled it out, looked at the screen, and slid it back in her pocket.

“Give me the phone,” I held my hand out and she shook her head no. “Give me the fucking phone, now,” my lips were pursed together so tightly I'm surprised I even made a sound.

Majoree reached in her pocket and reluctantly handed me her cell phone. I hit the power button and the lock screen came up. She smacked her lips and punched in her code with an attitude.

When she handed it back, I went into her text messages and shook my head at the incoming group chat messages.

KamBria: Nah, Jazz, you foul as fuck! Hope you get your ass beat bitch.

BesstfaanJazzy: these niggas for everybody. If she knew how to keep em, he wouldn't be here with me!

A photo of my daughter's best friend popped up and I clutched my imaginary pearls. She was topless, laid in bed with an older looking boy draped on top of her. I couldn't really see his face but there were plenty of tattoos that covered his neck and back. The smug look on her face made me want to slap the little bitch through the phone and the caption that ran across the photo was even more disturbing as I reread it for the second time. “Hope she like the taste of my pussy on her nigga’s tongue!”

As the messages continued to come in, I stood there frozen while Majoree cried her eyes out. I powered off the phone, finally having enough of the bullshit, tucked it away in my bag, and composed myself. My thoughts were all over the place as I contemplated getting back in my car and going to beat that little bitch and her momma up.

“Why she do me like that, Ma? That's my best friend, why she do me like this! That supposed to be my dawg, we like this!” She twisted two fingers up.

“These bitches ain't your friends, Majoree,” I pulled her into my arms and did my best to console her.

“I love him, Ma, why he do me like this? I never did nothing to deserve this.” she sniffled.

I released her from my hold and made her look me in the eyes.

“Dry your eyes, Majoree, and put your chin up, baby girl. Ain't no need to cry over a bitch ass nigga. They come a dime a dozen and for Jazmine, that bitch is gonna get hers, believe that, baby girl.” I handed her a napkin from the dispenser and checked my phone to see Lucy calling again.

“Clean yourself up, baby,” I kissed her forehead before answering Lucy’s call.

I exited the bathroom and made my way towards the room while Lucy rushed me on the other end of the line. When I entered Mekhi’s room, she stood up swiftly and pulled my right back out of the room.

“Look, it's a lot of shit going on and I don't have time for your shit, too,” I sighed.

“Don't start, Cass. Just look at this, babe.” She showed me a screenshot of what I had already seen on Majoree's phone. “It's more,” Lucy said showing me a video that had me really ready to pull up and start some shit.

“Delete it, delete that shit now! These kids about to take me way back to my old days! I'm telling you now, Lucy, if I get locked up for beating the fuck out that little bitch…”

“Calm down, Cass, we will handle this.”

“I swear to God it's gonna get handled.”

I left her in the hallway and headed back into the room where I sat down next to my son and held his hand. I couldn't help but fight back tears as he asked was everything okay. I shook my head yes and silently prayed for God to give me enough strength not to kill that little bitch, Jazzy.

First, she sleeps with my daughter's little boy friend then, she posts a video of her sucking my son's dick on Facebook. That shit wasn't cool at all and to top it off, she had the nerve to be doing it in my bedroom where I sleep. I balled my fist up just thinking about it.

“Mrs. Jordan, glad to finally meet you…” The doctor came in the room with Lucy and Majoree following.

I greeted him and let him do the talking. While he continued to talk, and talk for what seemed like ages, I nodded my head occasionally as I looked at the clock on the wall.

“Any questions?” He finally asked.

I shook my head no and he exited the room with a smile.

“I don't want to stay here for that long,” Mekhi whined after the door shut behind the doctor.

“You're lucky you're in that bed so I advise you to close your mouth before you end up in the basement, bitch.” Anger flowed through my veins and out of my mouth without so much as a second thought.

Everyone gasped in shock that I said such a hateful thing and I didn't give a fuck anymore. Dealing with these kids and the way they been acting lately had been a real stressor on me. I should have listened to Major and beat they ass from day one.

“Cass, let me talk to you for a minute.” Lucy demanded.

“No, let me talk to all three of you motherfuckers, this shit needs to change and change quick—” I didn't get to finish my sentence because Lucy interrupted me by pressing her finger to my lips and shushing me like I was her child.

“Everybody calm down for five fucking minutes please? Today has been stressful enough on me and I can't take it anymore. I'm hungry as hell and don't have the patience to hear you, you, or you talking about a whole lot of bullshit. Majoree, you are on punishment for three months; that means no television, cellphone, friends, going outside, or nothing. And I don't know why you're over there laughing, Mekhi, you ain't off the hook, you little disrespectful motherfucker. You’re getting six months; I seen your video, use a condom next time, that bitch’s mouth is as filthy as a public toilet.”

My eyes bucked open as she went smooth off on the kids.

“I don't know why you looking like that, Cass, you ain't off the hook either. Now, you get your ass up and come on before I knock you upside the head.”

I looked at her like she was crazy but did as she requested, but not before grabbing my purse and cutting off the television in the room.

As we made it out of the room, Lucy grabbed my purse and opened it, looking as she cursed under her breath.

“A salad? Really, babe? What Imma do with a got damn salad?” She laughed and handed me back the purse. “Come on, girl.”

She led me over to a nearby bench that faced a huge window that overlooked the busy downtown streets. As we took a seat, we both let out a sigh of defeat.

“Rough day?” Lucy asked as she set up her salad.

“The roughest, today can't possibly get any worse.”

“True, but look, about last night, I really didn't know what to do with Mekhi, you know how he gets,” she explained.

“I'm sorry for what I said, I was wrong. You're a great mother to our kids and I know you'd never hurt them. My feelings were hurt at the time and I took it out on you when I should have checked myself.”

“Nah, you were right, Cassandra, I been distant for quite some time and I don't really know if things are good between us like they used to be. Sometimes, I feel like the only thing keeping us together is the kids.”

I continued to look out the window as tears welled up in my eyes.

“Come on, don't cry, Cass,” Lucy began to cry her damn self.

“You're breaking up with me? After everything we have been through?”

Although, the hallway was full of people, all I could hear was an overwhelming silence as Lucy looked me in my eyes, letting me know that it was over.

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